


Fall

by 0fsilver



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix It Fic, M/M, Mentions of Violence, Not Beta Read, Spoilers Season 13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 20:06:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5177981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0fsilver/pseuds/0fsilver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're falling.</p>
<p>Congratulations Felix, you've finally lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fall

It took you awhile didn’t it? Years spent, living it up as the cockiest-and luckiest bastard in the galaxy. How does it feel? Do you feel good? Do you feel bitter? How about brave? The ground is going to stretch up and meet you eventually. Your bones will crunch, your pieces scattered like a bug on a windshield. You know how this is, because haven’t you done this before? Haven’t you kicked someone off a high rise a time or two? I think you have. You know you have. Because beating hearts are just wet tissue and souls only matter if it’s inside your skin.

You don’t see the world the way good people do. You don’t see living creatures behind human eyes. No. You just see marks and potential enemies. You see ways to kill them and stretch their death out to somehow make you feel better.

You see someone dying in a gutter and think about how amazing Locus would look after a job well done.

That’s what most of this is, right? C'mon. We both know it. From day one that grouchy shit has been the sole focus of your thoughts. The way he hated you almost instantly. The way you could push him, drag him to your level. Tease him and make him burn against you. Loved it, right? The army which slapped you two together like a bomb duct taped to a gun and an unstable prayer. Loved it. Don’t lie. Any moment with him made the world good again, in that terrible way you comprehend good. You’d push and pull him. Tangle and weave him. He was yours from day one and that mattered.

You feel a little bad about it though, right? That broken way he looked at you after the war was “over”. On paper at least considering it’s still a-churnin’ on beneath your skin. He was fun to have during war. Kept you safe, made you worry a little about how easily you trusted him. You knew he wouldn’t let you die because that would make him look bad. Made for the perfect assist though. Scouting ahead with only a sniper at your back. Good boy. Saved your sweet ass a few times right? And you thanked him by returning the favor.

You thanked him by dragging him off that blood soaked battlefield by the teeth. Pushed a gun in his hands and gave him something to live for.

Gave him, you.

After all Felix, that’s really all you have to offer.

You’ve got shit else to give. That’s obvious. You’re not kind. You’re not sweet. Can’t cook for nothing and your people skills are atrocious unless you get something out of it.

So you cracked open a few ribs and made room for him. Protected him. Bled for him. You kept the two of you busy, raking in cash and a famous reputation among the scumiest scumbags of the stars. You put together a home in the form of a ship. Bought extra pillows because Locus had a sore neck. Keep storage units full of his favorite food and his artillery of choice.

You even learned to take wider steps so his big ass strides could fit perfectly into yours. So the two of you would match from foot step to heart beat. Sometimes you catch yourself forcing a blink because Locus did. Sometimes he says “no” and you listen. Sometimes, you put him before yourself.

Felix. Sweetie. Tell yourself it’s for you. Go on. You don’t have much time. Amazing how long a fall can last, but it’s never going to be enough. Your body is already hurt. You had a grenade stuck under your ass. If you survive the fall you’ll just bleed out of the gaping hole in your side. Did you even fall with two legs? Can’t remember huh? Pay attention Felix, for the first time in years. Take a look, what do you see?

No?

That’s right.

What you see, is Locus. Well more specifically, Locus betraying you. Locus going against you. Locus tossing aside the weapon you marked for /him/. Locus spitting at your feet and turning away from you. Leaving you in his shadow, his steps small in retreat.

You can’t remember hurting so bad in your life. Not once. Not even when your Mother died. Not even when that limb was lost to war. Felix, you’ve pulled a four foot pole out of your gut and hurt less than the sight of Locus not wanting you anymore.

How fucked is that?

How weak are you that the man you gave everything to rejected you? How sad. How small you are in the scheme of things. He left you. He chose to be a coward. To pick anyone else over you, even after all these years? How dare he?

What’s that?

What’s wrong Felix?

Are you sad? Are you mad? Are you confused about this? Go on. Tell yourself you are betrayed. Tell yourself you don’t understand. Lie. That thing you dance around. Your smirking heart all aglow when you don’t have to lie to spin a web. So great right? You’re so great. So perfect. So fast and strong. You did everything for him. You gave him everything. You gave him a name, a purpose and a mission. You clawed out a part of him which would have destroyed him. You protected him from the things he didn’t want to see. He buried all his problems under your scars and you bore that weight with no complaining. No whining. You just wanted to do it for him.

You wanted. Him. That’s all.

Because he was perfect, for being so imperfect. Because you looked at him and wanted. You begged to be him. To be as beautiful and horrible as he could be. How he still was, human, beneath it all. Locus. Your Locus. Who could kill a hundred men and complain that you didn’t put away the dishes. How he never looked like that scared army soldier after he was yours. How his lines sharpened, his voice went low and lethal. Happier that way. He told you, he was happier this way and so were you. Right?

Because you could kill every single creature in the universe if he said he’d take that job. You would do that for him. You would spend a handful of years suffering his absence because he thought it would be “interesting” to take a job like Chorus.

Locus said he wanted to do this.

Locus said you could be apart.

Locus was already trying to leave you.

Now look what he’s done? He’s letting you die. He let them kill you and will probably be shot in the back of the noodle once you’re out of sight.

Oh god Felix, are you worried. Are you scared they’ll kill him? After all this, are you honestly concerned for his well being through the fire eating away the time you have left?

Felix. You’re falling to your death and all you can think about is “Will Locus be ok”?

Stupid boy.

You stupid, broken thing.

He’s fine without you.

You’re the one who needs him.

You’re the weak one.

You’re the one he leashes and controls. You’re the thing he can call back from the edge. He has you like a spider caught in their own web. How pitiful. How fucking sad for you. Oh Felix. You’re not there to protect him, and he’s ok with that. Don’t you see?

He’s doing this for him.

To get away from you.

Because he didn’t want everything you gave him. He’s like a bride running from the altar but keeping the ring. Just keeping the good parts. The good memories, if there are any.

Are there?

Was he ever truly happy? Think about it. Huh? Did you ever manage to make him smile?

Sure you did. In his own way he smiled often. But it was never on Chorus. He never was happy on Chorus. He didn’t like it once you two were here. Locus was lost to the mission like a brainwashed child and you, well, you thought that was what he wanted. You didn’t see it. You didn’t look and now you’ve lost him. You’ve never made Locus kill innocent people before. It’s usually crime syndicates or pirates. Killers or corporate fucks who deserve to be broken in the ways you leave them. You’ve never taken a job with a tag line of “Must kill lots of people just because”. Not that you care if they deserve it or not, but Locus does. Now you know. Now he tells you, while you’re falling off to your death.

Too late sweetie.

But would you take it back?

Would you, knowing what you know now, avoid Chours? Not that you care about their lives. Not that you don’t want to cross that line-but because you lose him?

Is Locus more than everything you’ve wanted? How many dollar signs is he worth? How much is it to you to keep waking up at his side? What sort of thing are you that one man matters most of all?

What are you Felix?

Felix?

_Who are you?_

**_Who. Are. You?_ **

 

//

 

///

 

////

 

/////

 

The portal spits Felix out ahead of Locus.

He can barely stand. Sways on heels and grabs after anything to keep him upright. The pirate nearest startles from the touch. Yelping like a coward fearing the end. But to be fair, Felix isn’t known for his tender approach in leadership so it’s understandable. The world spins and screams and unravels before coming to spiral back together. His body feels shattered. Like he hit the ground and scattered, little more than a cup of marbles now lost across the floor. He’s sick, beyond physically. Sweat is breaking out over his skin and it feels like drowning.

Felix doesn’t beg for help, because Locus isn’t there. He doesn’t sob or fight, no tears or tangents while the world and reality comes stitching itself back together. He lived, days ahead of time. He fought and lived and survived and Locus turned his back on him.

Limbs hurt as if a grenade was just dropped between his legs. Like he fell and broke on the ground. Can’t breath. Can’t speak. He’s just fighting to stand on his own without falling to his knees.

Would be easier if he could just fall, but without Locus there, Felix never feels safe.

“You ok sir?” A pirate, nameless and careless speaks. Unsure what to do or how to act. Probably curious and clearly seeing his superior spooked isn’t helping the unknown aspect of the situation. Takes Felix too long to answer as he eyes the portal. Wonders over Locus, hand struggling not to reach out as if he could pull his partner back to him.

“Sir?”

“Yea I’m…” Felix has never been one to think things over. Impulse saving his life more than once, probably will serve him well this round. “Hey what’s that!?” The pirates spin on heel, facing the other way to “see” and Felix drops them without much problem. They’re weak compared to Locus. The entire world is weak compared to his partner. They go down with little fight and Felix is left staring at his work, considering killing them to clean up the mess.

Then Locus comes tumbling out of the gateway and raises his weapon, finger ready to pull. It scares him. Honestly scares him and Felix does the same. Yells for him to calm down. Tries to reach him while the shape of Locus’ shoulders explain that the man is afraid.

He wonders what Locus saw, but is too afraid to ask. Not until weapons are lowered. Not until he knows for certain that his partner isn’t ready to leave him.

Takes time, but Locus calms. Startled by the pirates at their feet.

“What happened?”  He demands to know but there’s a corner of Locus’ tone missing. Felix knows. Knows everything about Locus. Knows what he likes, what he hates. Knows everything he means with each sparse word. He’s dedicated a life to simply knowing Locus in hopes of giving the man everything he could want to keep going. To keep them together.

**Who are you?**  It asked him…

Who is he?

“Felix?” There’s worry in his voice and Felix only shoulders his gun and begins to move. Manhandling Locus’ armor to pull the faceless helmet near. Kills him to feel the other tense, to feel fear where before there has only been trust between them. Felix doesn’t want to know what Locus saw. He never wants to know anything like that again.

“Hey I have an idea?”

“What?” Complicated, holing a conversation while practically prying off a helmet. Needs to see Locus’ face. Needs those dark eyes on him, the sight of his mouth moving. The fake tooth on the right. The scar down his profile. He needs to face his partner, bring hands against the jawline and hold tight. Rips off his own helmet so Locus can see him too. So they can blink at the same time, breathe in the same moment, and hopefully share the same nightmare. “What’s wrong?” Not /what are you doing?/ Not /Why are you doing this?/ Locus needs to know what has hurt Felix and that’s his answer. That’s it all along.

Who is he?

He’s someone who can’t afford to lose. 

“Felix,”

“I don’t really like television.” Felix smiles and watches the world shift in Locus’ eyes. Concern now confusion as he returns the hold. Braces Felix’s shoulders and keeps them steady.

“What?”

“Like,” Felix is grasping at Locus’ jaw, his chin, his throat. He’s trying to remember what it’s like to be afraid. To relive that moment when Locus turned his back. “I don’t like television, and you hate most movies. So I was thinking,” He struggles to get the rest out, hooking his grasp to Locus’ chest plate. He’s furious and sick. Churning with all the things he wants to scream. Fighting against terrible thoughts of beating Locus to the punch. He could do it. Of all people, they both thought Felix would be the one able to kill the other.

At least Felix thought that  _once._

“I told you so.”

Locus’ voice brings Felix back from the spiral. Staring at his partner. His shadow. There’s a strain of difficulty in the words, but Locus manages. Keeps Felix standing, presses a thumb to the other’s cheek and keeps it there.

“We don’t need a billboard sized television. I told you.” Locus’ brow meets his. Brief and silent. An agreement and a promise without need for more conversation.   
  
Trust.   
  
Partner.

“Yea yea,” Voice nearly breaks and Felix knows he’s probably hurting Locus with his grip. Mind swimming with the decision. Wondering if there was time before they betrayed Charon for him to scale Locus’ shoulders and hold on for eternity?   
  
“Just shut up and take me home.” 

 

___

 

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